My Ramblings...
(the blog)
Patience and the Beauty of Waiting
Patience is defined by the Cambridge Dictionary as, “the ability to wait, or to continue doing something despite difficulties, or to suffer without complaining or becoming annoyed.” According to this definition, I am struggling greatly with patience! A Guide to the Scriptures says that patience is “calm endurance; the ability to endure affliction, insult, or injury without complaint or retaliation.” This definition helps me want to improve and increase my ability to be patient. This definition sounds like a beautiful way of living. In an amazing 1979 BYU Devotional, Elder Neal A. Maxwell (Maxwell, 1979) said, “Patience permits us to cling to our faith in the Lord when we are tossed about by suffering as if by surf.” He also posed the question, “And how could we learn patience under pressure if we did not experience pressure and waiting?” According to Elder Maxwell, I see a greater purpose for trials that require patience and our willingness to develop this special attribute.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf (Uchtdorf, 2010) taught at a Priesthood Session in April 2010 that:
“…patience was far more than simply waiting for something to happen – patience required actively working toward worthwhile goals and not getting discouraged when results didn’t appear instantly or without effort.”
The importance of patience is that we learn while in the process. We may need to be patient while we wait, while we learn or practice, while we work with other people or strive to love our families. Patience is something that grows with time if we allow it and helps us to sit back and see what Heavenly Father has in store for us. President Uchtdorf (2010) continues to teach:
“There is an important concept here: patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can—working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. Patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!”
Elder Robert C. Oaks (Oaks, 2006) talked about the importance of patience toward other people in a General Conference. He pointed out more dramatic instances of impatience when people use road rage that results in violent accidents or anger at home that creates a place of abuse toward spouses and children. Elder Oaks (2006) states that in more common and less dramatic ways, impatience shows itself in “flared tempers and harsh words uttered in response to slow-moving customer lines, never-ending telephone solicitation calls, or children reluctant to respond to our instruction.” This tells me that using my agency to act out frustration, anger, or annoyance (which are ways that we show impatience) affects others by instigating anger within them, hurting feelings, or causing contention that does not need to happen.
Fortunately, patience can also be viewed as a positive link toward other Christlike attributes which will benefit other people including ourselves. Elder Oaks (2006) said, “Patience may well be thought of as a gateway virtue, contributing to the growth and strength of its fellow virtues of forgiveness, tolerance, and faith.” When we show patience regardless of the situation that we find ourselves in, we can help cultivate other loving and beautiful Christlike attributes within us and as an example for others. This will help us to serve and to love others as a disciple of Jesus Christ instead of relying on our natural man or woman tendencies. We can be a blessing in the lives of others by having more patience.
We can choose to be patient in whatever circumstance we may find ourselves. It will not always be easy, and it will take a lot of work and practice, but it is possible to cultivate this important attribute. Elder Maxwell (1979) says, “One is not only to endure, but to endure well and gracefully those things which the Lord ‘seeth fit to inflict upon [us].’” This means that anything we may be afflicted with, frustration, stress, anger, hurt, being letdown, requires us to be patient to learn the vital lesson Heavenly Father has for us and to exercise greater restraint. It is a sign of great strength and humility to handle harsh moments with patience. Elder Maxwell (1979) points out that patience is “a companion of faith” and “a friend to free agency.” When we find ourselves in situations that cause us negative feelings, it is okay for us to use our agency to step away and pray for help rather than acting out or responding. By doing so, we are demonstrating faith in Heavenly Father and the Lord Jesus Christ that They will help guide our next steps, words, and feelings. We can approach that same harsh situation with greater strength and know that we can handle whatever is thrown at us.
Elder Maxwell (1979), again, teaches best why it’s important to have patience:
“There is also a dimension of patience which links it to a special reverence for life. Patience is a willingness, in a sense, to watch the unfolding purposes of God with a sense of wonder and awe, rather than pacing up and down within the cell of our circumstance.”
This thought tells me that Heavenly Father has something that will hit me with “a sense of wonder and awe” if I am willing to wait on His timeline. Maybe learning does not happen when the outcome of the trial is clear. Maybe learning happens in between the beginning and the end of the trial. The moments when we are praying for guidance or comfort. When we are praying for relief to come. I wonder what would happen if we stopped and looked at the efforts we are making to know His will, to hear Him, and how close we are putting ourselves to the Savior. I wonder if that is what is intended for patience. We know that the answers or the relief eventually come, but maybe that is not the important part. I wonder if on our judgement day, if Jesus will bring up situations where we needed to exercise patience and ask what we learned in those harsh moments. We know that Heavenly Father is eternal and sees with a greater eye than we will ever be able to. He knows what growth waits for us and what circumstances will bring it. Maybe we should apply that kind of thinking to the attribute of patience. It may help us better understand why He makes us wait instead of being frustrated because we have to.
In the same April 2010 talk, President Uchtdorf (2010) said, “… patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses attention, and offers hope for peace.” When we develop patience within ourselves, it seems that we would naturally begin to offer those same kinds of traits for others. By our example, we may be able to help others refine their understanding, deepen their happiness, focus their attention, and find hope and peace. Those are things that are needed in every situation in life, but especially when it seems the cards are stacked against you. President Uchtdorf (2010) then says, “Our Heavenly Father knows what good parents come to understand over time: if children are ever going to mature and reach their potential, they must learn to wait.”
Love, Heather
During one semester of school, I had a project to work on and I chose to find a better foundation for my family. I had two things in mind: the first being the brokenness we felt in our extended families and the other being the roles within our own home. I was hoping to find peace, direction, or understanding for everything that was going on around me. I wanted this new insight and knowledge to help me better strengthen my own family so that our foundation would be rock solid. While I learned many great things this semester, I don’t know that I received direct answers to the things on my mind. However, I was taught by the Spirit and led to the things that I needed to know. With this new knowledge that I was not expecting, I do feel that I am able to help my family grow and become stronger together.
The first thing that I learned is how to let go of the expectations of being a “perfect” parent. For so long I have tried to overcompensate in my family to make up for the parts of us that are broken or different than the rest of the world. I have gotten both support and disgust from people over the fact that we do an online charter school from home. I have gotten mixed reviews on how I take care of my yard, my home, and the fact that I was in school. In fact, I have also had different opinions shared about my original goal of teaching seminary. Because of this, I have tried to do things that I thought were making me feel better, but were actually stressing me out more. I tried to keep the perfect yard, which is next to impossible. I have tried to keep a perfect home, which does not happen when you are in school, teaching your kids in school, and trying to maintain sanity. During this semester, I focused on the roles of a mother and realized that if I was following this pattern, then I was doing good enough in His eyes despite what the world made me feel. I had some moments where I felt defeated because the things that make my family happy are not as big scale as the things other families around us are doing. I prayed for comfort and was given an opportunity to reflect on the fun that my kids and I have together almost every day. I talked to my kids about what traditions they liked the most or what things we do that they really enjoy. I was surprised when both answered with very simple answers. They preferred times when we were at home together watching a movie or playing a game. They both enjoyed car rides and having small adventures around our valley. It was confirmed in me that my role as a mom did not include making sure they got to Disneyland this year or that we spend large amounts of time and money “making memories.” My role as their mom is to make sure they learn the gospel, they know the Savior, and that they feel God’s love. That was a good lesson to have and helped me rid myself of a lot of unnecessary mom guilt.
The second thing that I learned concerned the roles of a father. My husband and I are in a weird place right now. I feel like we are being pulled in different ways and down different paths. He is more inclined to follow the world than I am, and it is showing a divide between us. I have been very angry with the roles that we each play in our home because I feel a giant burden placed on my shoulders while he seems to be unscathed by changes in our family routine. While I was learning for myself about my role as a mom, I thought a bit about his role as a dad. He does provide for us and gives us a great home to live in. But then his attention is directed his own way. By being so upset about this, I am allowing myself to be acted upon instead of acting on what is before me. I recognized God’s hand in the strength and endurance that He blesses me with each day to handle all the things I need to do. I have been humbled by the reminder that I do not need to do everything on my list every single day. It is okay to leave things undone because the most important things are that I remembered Him and stood as a witness of Him throughout my day. This realization brought a lot of hurt with it (opposition in all things, right?), but I have been grateful to find the root of my anger and frustration in our home because it means I can start to work through it. I have also been grateful to see the power of charity in my life and knowing that it comes naturally to me and is not something I need to learn. Because of these things, I have been able to handle a bigger role than I had planned on. I know it is His grace that carries me through and helps me conquer each day.
The third thing I learned had to do with my extended family. It came more as healing than as knowledge. I was given the opportunity to help my parents move out of my childhood home at this time. This, obviously, brought a lot of feelings, but I was able to see the excitement for a new adventure in my parents and support them in such a big life change. I was able to connect with each of my siblings in a different way. There were apologies, hugs, and support in trials we are each facing. There was a lot of honesty. There was also a lot of realization on my part. Our thoughts are all very different, but I am okay with that because it keeps me from being thrown into the negative and allows me to have relationships that are focused on love instead of obligation.
My perspective on being a parent has changed. I feel honored to have the kids that I do. I appreciate the responsibility and opportunity to raise two of God’s spirit children. I hope that I am doing everything that He needs me to do for them. I have always loved being a mom and feeling this great abundance of love for my kids, but these feelings have changed and feel more eternal than they did before. Which helps me see family history differently. My perspective on the power of family, on both sides of the veil, has grown significantly. I know that my loved ones in heaven help and strengthen me through my trials each day. I have found a new appreciation for who they are, what they did for me while on earth, and the opportunity I have to be with them for eternity. I hope that I leave a legacy for my posterity to cherish as my grandparents have for me.
My plan of action involved a lot of trust in the Lord and healing. I feel that I have a firm foundation in parenting my kids. I mess up a lot, but they still seem to love me. We are always very open and honest about how we are feeling about things, and I plan to continue that. I also plan on including their thoughts on things we do as a family and forgetting what the world has to say about what we do within our home. If my kids are happy, then I am happy and that is all that matters. I have a role as their mom and I will try my best to meet all of their needs. I feel that I have a good grasp on how to rebuild relationships within my family. I will do it slowly, but consistently and with intention. I will carry my imaginary chain link fence and not be afraid to separate when thoughts and opinions are starting to be damaging. Family is central to His plan and I will strengthen those bonds that have been broken. This is where healing comes in. I plan to lean on the Savior to help me have patience. I read about this in Alma 34, and I know that I am not the only one ever to need patience during a hard time. I also know that I am not the only one to ever be hurt or pained by the actions of someone else. However, our Church leaders keep giving the message that our salvation is an individual matter and it has been standing out to me how we are on our own journey with Heavenly Father. With that, I know that I can only control myself and no one else. I plan on staying within my covenants as I do now, staying on the covenant path with stronger conviction, and repenting daily because I know that will help bring change in my own attitude. I am a spirit daughter of God and I know that He will help me endure this path.
Love, Heather
I grew up in a family that liked to play. We did not play in the ways that other families played. It seemed other families were always going to sporting events, boating, travelling, and so on and so forth. Not my family. We played in the real sense of play. We played tag outside, we slip and slided in the backyard, we road our bikes, our scooters, our rollerblades. We had movie night and sometimes movie days. Magical movie weekends happened complete with brownies! We came up with our own games and played well-loved ones like foursquare or kickball. Our swing set was our palace. It was not just myself and my siblings that enjoyed these childlike things; it was my parents too. Nothing was better than watching my dad and grandpa show me how to shoot hoops in the driveway with their cowboy boots on. Or watching my mom teach us how to flip ourselves out of a swing. None of us could do it quite like she could, but we all enjoyed the show and teaching moment. We had pets and our pets had babies. We had stilts. We had jump ropes. We learned and experienced growth through playing and life as kids.
Something crazy happens when you enter high school. At some point, you realize that you are becoming an adult. You want to be the best adult that you can be, but what does that look like? What kind of adult are you going to be? The “stickler” going to work every day and growing up way too fast? Or the “adult” that plays through college but in older, more mature ways? It is such a big decision to make! For me, I chose to get married and work every single day. I would not say that I lost the love of playing, but it took until years later when I had my first child to realize that being a kid is so much more fun. When my daughter was just a baby her dad and I divorced. It was a very adult decision to make, but I felt like such a responsible kid through the entire ordeal. Why? Because when times were hard during that process, I found myself on the floor playing with her toys or outside playing in the snow. Playing healed me and took me through a rough patch in life.
A few years down the road, I found myself remarried with a second child under my wing. Once again, playing with my kids brought me through another rough patch when I experienced hard anxiety for the first time in my life. I found then, and have stuck with, the idea that we should never grow up. When life seems like too much, our day was too stressful, a big decision is weighing on our minds, or we are grieving the loss of someone or something, snapping back to our childlike ways seems to heal us in a very profound way. Board and video games, water balloon fights, basketball in the driveway, laser tag, slip and sliding, and sledding saved us all during a pandemic year. Experiencing the joy of animals and welcoming new pets introduced a childlike fascination and joy. We made it through a hard trial that the entire world encountered by playing together as a family.
My daughter continually tells me that she does not want to grow up and I continually tell her not to. Becoming an adult does not mean that we need to lose the joy that so many things brought to us throughout childhood. Animated movies will always be better. Board games will always solve a problem; or maybe create one if you are competitive. And nothing is better than running through a sprinkler when the world feels too hard. Do not grow up. It is worth keeping that innocence and wonder inside. What an important lesson to learn as a kid and continue to teach my children today.
Love, Heather
"Wax strong" has many meanings that relate to becoming stronger and growth.
What's up everybody?! I make videos. I share all my thoughts on all the things and in all the ways. Well, in the video way. I've thought about a blog for awhile now and decided I needed to continue to share everything on my mind in written word also. Truth be told, I have a lot to say and I LOVE to write. I LOVE to share my thoughts and ramblings. So, welcome to my ramblings, a.k.a. the blog.
Wax Strong Coaching was born about one year ago. I happened to take a Family Life Coaching class at BYU Idaho with a lot of anxious feelings toward it. I thought life coaching was hokey. I was afraid that I was wasting my credits. I also wondered what I would learn from it and what where it would lead me. Class, itself, taught me a lot. But it wasn't until I started doing practice sessions with peers from my class that I learned how much I love to coach. There was something magical about sitting across from someone (I mean... as close to being across the table as I could be on Zoom) and hearing them share with me. It was even better when I felt prompted or inspired to ask a question or say something that brought about emotion in the other person. Do I like to make people cry? Well, that's a trick question. Yes. I do. But only when I know that it's leading to something beautiful and healing.
Long story short, life coaching and I became best friends. Wax Strong was born. I embarked on a journey that I was not picturing for myself.
Wax Strong. Where does this come from? Well, it's often mentioned in The Book of Mormon. "Wax strong" has many meanings that relate to becoming stronger and growth. Now, sometimes in The Book of Mormon this phrase is used to describe how people became more wicked. They "waxed strong" in iniquity or sin. But hey, growth comes in many forms, right? I especially liked the verse in Alma 9:22 where we are taught that the people were able to wax strong so that they were not destroyed. These words could perfectly describe my life.
And that's something I will share over time.
For now, enjoy my website, look my up on Instagram (@wax.strong) and I have videos on YouTube. That's brand new for me and a little bit weird if I'm being honest.
Check back often for more ramblings and don't forget to send my an email or message with your own.
Love, Heather
